


Betta than Ever

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Animal Transformation, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fish, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 13:15:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1120246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony gets turned into a fish with a gorgeous tail. (While this is an Alpha Beta Omega 'verse, there's none of the usual stuff, and no nookie.)</p><p>Based on an AvengerKink prompt (given in end note. It's a bit spoilery)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Betta than Ever

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

Steve's reflexes are amazing, but that doesn't help too much once he's caught the tiny, shiny, _delicate_ shape that emerges from Tony's, _his Omega's_ , disintegrating armor.

"BETTAS are BETTER!" the Changeling chortles while dancing around in a cloud of magic sparkles that smell like pine disinfectant. The guy is a real loser and the Avengers haven't been exerting their full efforts. Until now.

"BETA HAS ONLY ONE T," Hulk says and swats the Changeling off his floating Segway. "OOPS," Hulk says after the Changeling falls into his own sparkles and turns into a pigeon and disappears into a flock. 

"Get some water!" Steve says, cupping his hand gently around the flopping red and gold fish. He heads for the nearest street side cafe. "Bottle of plain water, and a large glass, please, miss," he asks the nearest waitress, who reluctantly puts down her phone after snapping a photo, and delivers a large-size Avengers' souvenir plastic mug filled with Evian. Steve tips Tony into the water and crinkles his brow in worry as he peers down into the mug. "Tony? Are you all right?"

The fish pauses in its frantic circling and flips both front fins up in what's probably the closest to a shrug he can manage. 

Steve sighs. "Right, back to the Tower. Clint, what do you know about this kind of fish?"

Clint glances in the mug. "Just because I grew up in a circus doesn't make me an expert on every animal in the world, Cap."

Natasha swats him in the back of the head. "Ignore the type-casting and answer Steve. I'm in a bad mood. I broke a nail."

"Yeah, yeah, ok, betta are true labyrinth fish and can get oxygen directly from the air if their gills stay wet, so they don't need large aquariums and aren't finicky about water quality. Get him a two gallon tank, keep the water in the seventy-six to eighty-two degrees Fahrenheit range. They're surface feeders who need lots of protein and fiber..."

Steve's eyes are glazing over, and Hulk is so bored he shrinks back down to Bruce, who wanders over, holding up his trousers with one hand. He peers into the cup. "Hi, Tony." Then he points down the street. "Pet shop."

 

"Oh, what a lovely circle shape Halfmoon," the pet shop owner says. "I've never seen a nicer tail. Exceptional coloration, too. Perfect."

Tony swims in what Steve takes for a smug circle. Natasha rolls her eyes. "Great, now we're going to hear him bragging about his perfect ass for weeks."

Steve blushes a little. The pet shop owner looks confused, and his confusion deepens as Clint says, "We need everything to set this fish up in the lap of fish luxury. Otherwise, we all get cold showers from Jarvis."

 

Since Tony spends most of his time in his workshop, that's where they set up the ten gallon, unbreakable tank with the super-scientific water monitoring system so Jarvis can maintain the exact ph and temperature to Tony's liking. Tony wiggles his fins, and Jarvis understands. Steve guesses it's not much different from the way Tony controls his hologram blueprint thingies, or the Suit interfaces by body language. Steve fusses for half an hour artistically arranging the various plastic castles and caves, and ridiculously expensive greenery that Tony can't eat, but Steve insists on to soften the harsh corners so it will look more like a home, and less like a prison. Dummy and You break several containers of fish food before they learn how to pick up a single pellet and drop it into the water to float where Tony can nibble on it.

"Ok, guys," Steve says finally, once he's sure the bots won't hurt Tony; Jarvis has threatened them with _upgrades_ which sends them into trembling fits of bot terror, cringing in corners, until Steve feels sorry for them. "Thor's on his way. My friend Sam and his hawk, Redwing, are rounding up pigeons. Thor's going to use Allspeak to find the Changeling, and learn how to get Tony back to normal." Steve turns the dial on the 'Dial a Treat' and uses the tiny red spoon to extract a single bloodworm. "Hey, Tony, here's a bite of linguini," he says as he drops it into the tank. He's pretty sure Tony doesn't want to know he's eating blood worms. He bends down so he's eye to eye with Tony, presses his fingers to his lips, and then to the glass. Tony swims up and presses his mouth against the other side of the glass to meet his kiss. "Don't worry," Steve says. "Bruce is staying in the lab to look for a cure. We don't need Hulk against this guy. If you need anything, Jarvis will call Bruce. Ok?" 

Tony waves his fins in another sort of shrug.

 

Changeling pigeon is easier to find than Steve thought it would be. Apparently he's as much a misfit among birds as he is among people because once the flock settles down inside the temporary aviary the Avengers have set up on the roof of Stark Tower, there's one scruffy gray bird in the center, with a wide space between him and the others. Natasha goes into the aviary and snatches up the lone bird, which squawks and flutters uselessly. "What does he say, Thor?" she asks.

"He accuses the other birds of being stool pigeons. He also says that he will never help us. Never." Thor frowns. "He is very stupid, even for a bird."

"We noticed that," Clint says. He's sitting on one of the raised platforms that probably have some purpose, but Steve's never asked about them. He's been busy. "I mean, come on, Changeling. You're an itty bitty birdie. With really breakable bones."

Changeling squawks indignantly. Thor translates. "He says that the Avengers can't torture captives." Thor frowns again. "We can't?"

Steve sighs. "No, we can't."

Natasha smiles at the bird in her hand. "Redwing could. You know it's cruel to deny him his natural hunting instincts."

Redwing mantles and screams eagerly, shifting on Sam's shoulder. Sam shakes his head. "That won't work. Redwing would just kill Changeling."

Natasha rolls her eyes. "I knew I should have carried out this interrogation by myself." She lifts the bird to stare into its beady eyes. "Either you help us, and we tell SHIELD that you cooperated, and you get a nice cell with a view, or we wait until Dr. Strange is back in town. He'll turn Tony back to human, but his spells always have a price. We'll let you pay it. Whatever it turns out to be." She smiles. "Maybe Dormammu likes squab."

Changeling poops on Natasha's hand and uses her instinctive recoil to free himself. He squawks and a cloud of magic sparkles surrounds him. His wings spread and get leathery, and all of him expands. His neck and tail get longer. His feathers turn to scales. He grows so large he bursts through the aviary net, releasing the pigeons in a flurry of whirring feathers.

"Crap," Clint says as he reaches for an arrow. "Monday is not my day for dragons."

Steve is getting pretty fed up. He jumps onto Changeling's back in between the wings and starts bashing him with the shield. "I don't care..." _whack, thump_ "if you had a bad childhood..." _bash, clunk_ "and all the other kids called you names..." _smash, thwack_ "supervillainy is never the answer!"

Sam and Redwing fly at Changeling's head. They discover he can breathe, not fire, fire would be ok, they'd work around it. No, he breathes sewer gas. They fall back, choking.

"Oh, man, that's worse than following the elephants," Clint says. His eyes are watering, and his aim is off.

Natasha is zapping the dragon with her Widow's Bite, and Thor is using lightning, but neither are bothering the dragon at all. The dragon laughs in a deep, growling voice and spreads his wings. One flap and a leap, and the stink has everyone on the rooftop choking while the dragon soars into the air, with Steve clinging to his back. "I'm going to drop you," he chortles. "That'll be Captain America all over."

"BANZAI!"

Steve and the dragon both turn their heads at the cry, and see the Iron Man suit flying at them. The helmet is a round clear globe, and Tony is swimming inside guiding it via fin expression. Stunned, the dragon hovers in mid-air, gaping. Iron Man punches him in the nose. The dragon yelps and starts crying, big, oily tears sliding, smoking, down his face.

"Want another? HUH?" Tony says via Iron Man's sound system. "Sure, you could use another." He punches the dragon in the nose again. The dragon yelps louder and lands on the roof, putting his wings over his reddened and bloody nose.

Iron Man lands in front of him. Tony puts his fins on where his hips would be if he didn't have a gorgeously flowing tail there at the moment. "I could do this all day."

"DOH! Please, don' !" The dragon shrinks back down into the Changeling in a cloud of sparkles that also engulf Iron Man. The suit comes apart, and Tony is standing there, human again, in his gold undersuit, sopping wet.

He grins at Steve. "That's what you get for turning me into a fighting fish." He sneezes. "STEEBE! I need a sandwich!"

Steve picks Changeling up by the scruff and tosses him to Thor. He grins at Tony. "Tuna?"

Tony grimaces. "Cannibal. Grilled cheese."

Steve puts his arm around Tony. "Sure. Want a pickle with it?"

"You know I love your pickle."

Even Redwing rolls his eyes at that.

**Author's Note:**

> [ Crack: Tony is a betta ](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/11264.html?thread=26735104#t26735104).  
>  _Prompted by someone's misspelling of 'beta'. Tony is transformed into a member of the species betta splendens, a three inch, brightly-coloured freshwater tropical fish. A red and gold one._
> 
>  
> 
> _+10 if he builds a suit so that he can still fight crime. (I'm imagining Minion from Megamind.)_  
>  _+100 if he still tries to flirt with everyone._

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Bigger & Betta](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1126050) by [Haldane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haldane/pseuds/Haldane)




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